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A SelectSmart.com Politics Selector by CJ, created February 2001. Are YOU a Republican? Use this selector to find out! Created by a die-hard Democrat, this humorous selector speaks the truth and determines if you belong in the Republican Party, or if you have common sense and belong with the Democrats.
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1. Cutting taxes and blaming liberals are always the answers to every crisis we face.
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2. Abortion is totally wrong and immoral, except if it's your own daughter who is pregnant, in which case the decent thing to do is to send her to a distant city where she can receive private, but expensive, medical care so that the local community is spared the details.
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3. Private education is good, but there is no reason why the institutions should not be funded by the government. Religious or military schools are good because they teach perpetual obedience.
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4. The only good people in the world are white, Christian, heterosexual males. Everyone else is "slime."
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5. The military is good because it uses large amounts of money. More importantly, American Justice can be given to unreceptive and uncooperative countries by the military, because kicking butt once in awhile can really brighten your day!
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6. Capital punishment is based upon the Judeo/Christian bible: an eye for an eye. The fact we might not have the right person before we send him to meet his maker is not really all that serious of an issue, because God will sort out all the details.
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7. There is no such thing as Global Warming or the thinning of the ozone layer, despite the massive amounts of evidence. We should be able to pollute the world as much as possible, and not even think twice about what it might do to future generations.
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8. However, telling people that certain chemicals, like a coolant, are thinning the ozone layer is good, because billions of dollars can be made selling a new coolant. We should concentrate on looking for the next household item to ban.
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9. Wild animals were put here for only three reasons: the sport of hunting, providing a little expensive but tough gamy meat, and a fur coat for the "little woman."
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10. Every person inherently knows good from evil, whether they were raised by a hooker in the city slums, or by a wealthy evangelist in the city suburbs. The solution to violent crime is to beat the crap out of criminals.
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11. Recreational drugs are totally immoral. Because some people actually have fun with these drugs, they should be opposed, because a main principle of conservatism is that having too much fun is bad for people. However, being able to prescribe and buy medicinal drugs without constraint is good because the drug industry is very profitable.
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12. Raising domestic animals need massive government support, which often results in an excess of these animals. These animals should be killed, but never be shipped to starving people around the world, because that might upset the local economy.
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13. People should be given tons of freedom especially heads of large corporations. But some people cannot go unpunished. There must absolutely be law and order; violence must be stopped even if we have to kill everyone. We must enforce God's word; people who do not follow the Bible must receive violent punishment.
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14. Individual children should be loved, but supporting groups of children is not part of God's plan, because in Jeremiah 18:21 it says, "So give their children over to famine; hand them over to the power of the sword."
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15. The only purpose sex has is for procreation, not pleasure. If someone does have pleasurable sex, they should have the decency to lie about it!
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16. We should totally cut back on government spending for social, environmental, and health programs. However, there are necessities that we should not avoid. One example is national defense, which requires a very large military budget, but this should not be cut back any more than cutting back on building a new superhighway to the new park out in the country. These are very essential expenditures, and more money should be dumped into them. When Iraq threatens us by flying one of their planes over their country, we better be ready to go to war.
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17. Privacy is a bad thing because it prevents sending everyone to jail that ought to be there.
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18. Everyone should be been fond of "people of color" because they have been well behaved house servants ever since Lincoln freed them from slavery. Classes should not mix because an inferior offspring will result.
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19. Smoking is fine as long because it allows the government to ship large quantities of money to the subsidized tobacco farmers. But smoking any "controlled substance" should not be permitted even if tobacco kills far more people.
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20. Everyone should have the freedom to choose their own religion only if they choose Christianity.
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21. If any country refuses to accept aid in return for submission to U.S. control, they should be bombed back to the stone age.
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22. Hard work and the economic "invisible hand" will make sure that anyone who deserves money will get it. If you are a little down on your luck and are living off the street, you deserve it.
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