Don't you DARE listen to all those pundits and turncoats in the Republican party who don't want you to announce your candidacy for the 2024 presidency.
Those bastards! Those heartless, viscous, Benedict Arnolds! They are actually blaming you for their historic losses the other day. What despicable impudence!
They are actually blaming you and what some of them are calling, I am hearing... I am hearing this... your "pathetic, pitiful, idiotic, sycophant meat puppet" candidates who you so graciously and selflessly went out of your way to endorse, just to help the party!
The last thing many in this cowardly, disloyal Republican party apparently want now is for you to continue spreading, what I am hearing they are saying, this is them saying this... from "spreading your kiss of death" on, from insinuating your "cancerous, victory-eradicating stench" on whatever existentially slim chances they may have left to regain the presidency in 2024 by having to deal with you running against any other Republican candidate and actually beating them all. They think you'll turn the primaries into a circus! They think you'll cause nothing but chaos and infighting. As IF!!! You are "The Great Unifier" for frick sake!
Well don't you dare let those traitors who are blaspheming your name tell you what to do! Don't you postpone your announcement! Those heretics! Those satanic Judases!!!
I say it's time for you to show them just who's boss here. You stick to your guns. You launch the biggest, most bad-ass presidential campaign of all time next week. Don't you spare anyone else's expense! Blitz the media with your golden visage declaring how you are going to save the country by taking back what was absolutely stolen from you... stolen by the Democrats AND the GOP who have let you down in so cowardly and self-serving a fashion. You show those Republicans the cost to their very souls for ever disrespecting and dismissing you like they are! You fight like Hell!
And you go right after their new "Golden Calf Boy", DeSantis. You come right out of the gate guns-a-blazin'for him. How DARE he seek to take what belongs to YOU! I know you won't rest until he is obliterated. Whatever the cost to that bastard Republican party. You destroy him! Absolutely annihilate him! Take the whole Republican party down with him if you have to. Belittle and embarrass him before the entire world and make him curse the day that he ever even fantasized about stealing your kingdom!
I, for one, can not wait to see your Big Presidential Candidate Announcement next week. I got a special pan of JiffyPop set aside just for the occasion.
Make America Great Again And Again Again!
