This flag is now the most revered symbol in our nation," Biden said during his announcement. "It's only right for the Iwo Jima memorial to be updated to represent the brave men and women and non-men and non-women and those other things who are fighting even more bravely than the soldiers of World War II. These fellas with breasts who were on my lawn — they're the true warriors. Chocolate chip braggleflurven!"
...renovated to show the six members of the disco group the Village People raising a rainbow flag atop a glittering, pink pedestal. "It's SUCH an upgrade!" said Katniss Sparkleshine, the artist commissioned by Biden to overhaul the statue. "Out with that old, ugly statue of white colonizers and in with an explosion of fabulous LGBTQ+ flair! Take that, conservatives! Why are you so obsessed with us, you Nazis?!"
Critics of the change being made to the statue immediately gathered in protest but were quickly subdued, arrested, and charged with hate crimes.