Earlier this week, a bunch of scientists announced we are “on track toward an unlivable world.”
I missed the news initially because a passing fire tornado knocked out my internet service. But once I learned about it, I had what I assume is a common reaction: “WOOO-HOOOOO! WE DID IT!!!”
That’s right, folks, after decades of doing our level best to destroy the planet we inhabit, we’re finally on the cusp of success!
A new report by the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change says it’s now impossible to limit global warming to 1.5 degrees Celsius – the point at which scientists believe extreme weather events will dramatically alter life on Earth – without “immediate and deep emissions reductions across all sectors.”
HAH! Has the intergovernmental panel ever met any humans? People who won’t make the effort to wear a face mask during a deadly pandemic aren’t likely to engage in immediate or deep reductions of anything.
Tipping point, shmipping point
U.N. Secretary-General António Guterres said: “It is a file of shame, cataloguing the empty pledges that put us firmly on track toward an unlivable world. ... We are already perilously close to tipping points that could lead to cascading and irreversible climate impacts.”
Meh, what are you gonna do? If I’m honest, I’m kind of bored with this world. The oceans are dull (tide comes in, tide goes out, tide comes in, tide goes out … MIX IT UP ALREADY!), the forests are lame (“Oh, hi, I’m a mighty pine tree who will live forever … OH NO, it’s a tiny beetle, now I’m going to die!”) and the animals are far too extinct-able (“I’m a maned wolf in Brazil and now I may soon be endangered because roads crisscross my natural habitat and I keep getting run over, WHAAAAA!!”)
Seems high time we find a place more interesting and robust, a planet that doesn’t have such petroleum-sensitive pelicans or rainforests that fall apart over a harmless bit of deforestation and whatnot.
Could we fix it? Sure, but...
Could we take broad, sensible measures to protect the planet that gave us life and ensure there’s a future for our children that involves an inhabitable earth? Yeah, I suppose.
But first I’d have to go out to the driveway and turn off the Hummer I leave on all night to drown out the sounds of birds. Then I’d have to stop dumping half-empty cans of paint in a corner of the backyard AND cancel my weekend tire-burning. (I invited the neighbors and already bought burgers, Styrofoam plates and cases of plastic water bottles. I don’t want to waste all that!)
Nah, it’s a lot easier to just admit we’ve pretty well partied this planet out...
Rest at the link below.