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RecreationWhich kind of essayist are you?
0 from 0 votes.
14 visitors' top results
Created January 2004.
A SelectSmart.com Selector by thefuriouscynic
Whether you're in university, high school, or are some kind of frightening elementary school poseur, we all write essays in different ways. We each have a mojo when it comes to being brilliant for those who determine a portion of our GPA. So which kind of essayist are YOU?
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This SelectSmart.com Recreation selector, a free online personality quiz, is a creation of thefuriouscynic and for amusement purposes only. See the author's other creations, if any. The implicit and explicit opinions expressed here are the author's. SelectSmart.com does not necessarily agree.
The first selector question is below.

1. Have you ever written an essay before?
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2. Have you ever written an essay about anything more complex than your reaction to a current event, or some sort of pansy emotional response?
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3. Do you smoke?
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4. Do you smoke like a speeding, overheated train while you are writing an essay?
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5. When you shut your door and make a big noise about not being disturbed, you're really just lying on your bed and masturbating, aren't you, you Sneaky Pete?
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6. Do you drink beer/liquor during the essay-writing period?
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7. Do you eat only 'brain-foods' (ie, fish, bananas) during the essay-writing period?
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8. Do you believe that eating anything at all during the essay-writing period will hinder your potential for analytical genius?
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9. Do you sometimes feel... you know... 'that way' for one or all of your professors?
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10. Have you ever found your mind drifting during sex with your significant other because you've finally hit upon the perfect wording for your concluding sentence?
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11. You believe that sex will stunt your intellectual potential during essay-time.
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12. Do you become increasingly pale and sickly-looking (ie, dark circles under eyes, thinner) while you work?
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13. Do you become increasingly drunk while you work?
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14. Listening to guest speakers presenting a scientific, flawless method of essay-writing can only help you in the long run.
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15. Is caffeine your best friend for four days or so?
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16. Have you ever cried over a particularly poorly/beautifully-worded thesis statement, be it your own or someone else's?
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17. Are you aware that you have great ideas and a scholarly writing style, but the profs and/or TA's just don't seem to notice it?
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18. Is it more important to get that good mark for your own personal satisfaction, or so you can gloat to anyone in earshot that you've raised the bar far beyond their reach? (Yes=personal satisfaction. No=I've raised the bar, bizatch).
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19. Is it best to just stay quiet and not complain about your essay?
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20. If the opportunity for perfect grades throughout the entirety of the course arose, and if it entailed no emotional attachment, would you sexually pleasure your professor and/or TA just once, but with incredibly mindblowing skill? You would, wouldn't you, you little slut?
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21. For you, the ideal course consists of standing outside the lecture hall and allowing your lowly peers to glimpse your frightfully massive intellect.
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22. Do you listen to recorded mini-audio tapes of past lectures while you work on your essay?
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23. Do you listen to repetitive dance/trance/rave music while you work on your essay?
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24. Are you brilliant beyond all measure, or what?
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