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A shark ate you. By February they could walk on land. By March, they could drive cars. (100%)   
You died Michgan Militia style. They had to pry your gun from your cold, dead hands. (100%)   
You died of a plague that foreigners dropped as "germ warfare". It was patterned after the Capt. Tripps disease Stephen King outlined in the Stand. (Way to go Steve!) (100%)   
You died of the plague released by the US as "germ warfare". It itched so badly you scratched off all your skin. (100%)   
You starved to death at your kitchen table. Did you really think that having food would make you anything besides a mark to all the folks who didn't store any? (100%)   
You starved to death, you non-believer! (100%)   
You were killed BY the Michigan Militia. If you were a woman, you just got shot. If you were a man, that tells you why you have pain in your "nether regions", and you think you might be pregnant. (100%)   
You were killed by foreign troops. So if you THINK you know who the father of your child is, you don't realize how long they drugged you for. If you're a man, and you have pain in your nether regions, that was your fellow Michigan Militia prisoner. The foreign troops only rape women. (100%)   
You were vaporized by a nuclear misslie. (100%)   
You're actually not dead yet. But you will be soon, when you realise how you're one of only twenty people who survived and they all live a minimum of two thousand miles away. (100%)