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Advice Column: Anonymous questions and answers.

By Curt Anderson
January 9, 2020 12:36 pm
Category: Advice
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Caveat: The advice offered here is not meant to replace the expert opinions of doctors, financial advisers, lawyers, psychologists or any other professional advice. The responses here are simply the perspectives of people who cared enough to read your post.

  • If you are in need of advice, please visit the Free Online Life Coach (link #3 below). You can post your question there anonymously and it may appear on this column.
  • If you want to offer advice, click the "Post Your Comment" button at the bottom of this page.

    Need help? These are some of the social services that are available in many areas.
    If you or someone you know is in immediate danger because of thoughts of suicide call 911 now

    If you are not in immediate danger because of thoughts of suicide, but need someone to talk with about your suicidal feelings, please do not hesitate to call one of the following national suicide prevention lines:
    1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
    1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)

    Suicide hotline: Suicide.org (link #1 below)
    International suicide hotlines outside the US: Suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html (link #2 below)

    Other Social Services:
    Most communities through their federal, state, county and/or city governments offer a variety of social services. Check your local phonebook or look online for these or similar agency names in your area.

    Adult Employment & Training Services
    Career development and employment services

    Adult Protective Services
    Investigates allegations of abuse, neglect, and exploitation of vulnerable adults.

    Battered Women
    For women who need help due to domestic violence.

    Care Management
    Care services for the elderly, disabled and frail individuals who are at risk of premature institutionalization.

    Career Counseling
    Staff assistance is provided to define and solve problems of occupational choice, change, or adjustment.

    Caregiver Support
    Designed to help caregivers access the services needed for their loved ones and themselves.

    Child Support and Paternity
    For the general public, it helps to locate non-custodial parents and to review all existing child support orders. Together with Family Court, it provides for genetic testing in all contested paternity matters.

    Disabilities Services
    Various services for people with disabilities.

    Disaster Response Crisis Counselor/Team
    Trained, credentialed crisis responders who provide emotional support and community information in the aftermath of an overwhelming disaster.

    Early Employment Initiative (EEI)
    Offers intensive job search services to potential TANF (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families) applicants, assisting them to obtain employment that will keep them from going on public assistance.

    Education and Training
    Assists participants to obtain education or training with the goal of self-sufficiency and self-support.

    Employment & Training Services
    Assists youth and adults with workforce preparation and career development services.

    Food Pantry
    Emergency food for persons in need.

    General Assistance
    Assistance program for single individuals and childless couples.

    Home Delivered Meals On Wheels
    Food for the elderly and shut-ins.

    Homeless Programs
    Preventive services to keep low-income individuals and families in their own homes, if possible, or to provide temporary shelter if they are homeless until they can be relocated to permanent quarters.

    Hospice
    Hospice care provided for terminally ill individuals.

    Information and Referral
    Provides information about community resources, referral to services provided by community resources, and follow-up.

    Job Seeker Services
    Employment & Training Services provides a wide range of job seeker services for individuals laid off due to company closings or downsizings.

    Mental Health Services
    Mental health programs provide a range of community-based mental health services: information, referral and screening for all mental health concerns, immediate crisis assessment and intervention for mental health crises in the community.

    Rental Assistance
    Financial help may be provided to clients who present at the agency homeless or in danger of homelessness and with financial hardships. Assistance is based on future affordability and proof that there was a hardship within the home that prohibited the client from paying the rent.

    Veterans Services
    Information and assistance to veterans and their families in obtaining VA benefits and entitlements.

    Other places to seek help:
    The Salvation Army
    The United Way
    School counseling centers
    Religious institutions
    Local libraries often provide free brochures and information about local social services.

    Cited and related links:

    1. suicide.org
    2. suicide.org
    3. selectsmart.com
    The views and claims expressed by contributors are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views and beliefs of SelectSmart.com. Not every statement made here can be assumed to be a fact.
    Comments:

    1. by Anonymously on January 9, 2020 12:44 pm
      Hit a wall and need some help
      I am hoping someone can give me some advice on where to go. I am 35 years old and have always been very goal oriented. I am my happiest when I am obsessively working towards my goals. My daily habits are good but can be better at the moment. For the last 5 years I have been working on advancing my career as fast as possible. In the organization I am in promotions are based on a comprehensive exam and then oral presentations. I received my first promotion in 2013 and set a goal of obtaining my next promotion 2 years later ( unheard of in our organization). I started studying and preparing a year before the exam. I achieved my goal and was promoted to the next rank. This promotion was different I actually felt depressed when I received it.

      My issue seems to be that the next promotion for me is completely out of my hands. There is no test... no amount of hard work can get me it.. I wont be preparing... It is based on a nomination from a superior and then the board makes their selection.

      So I did not plan to be in this spot and for the first time ever I do not have a goal. I am having a hard time finding the right path to go on to continue my climb in my organization. I come home from work and do my usual workout and read but I am not preparing for anything or even obtaining the feeling that I am bettering myself anymore. Can someone give me some advice ?
      --Wall hitter


    2. by Anonymously on January 9, 2020 12:45 pm
      How do I fix my life?
      So I was in a really depressed mood today, and I've grown desperate looking for answers. I honestly didn't know where else to go, because I know what to do, but nobody's told me how. I'm 21, currently working towards my vet tech certification (should be done in about a year and a half). I don't have any friends, or a girlfriend, and I really dislike my roommate. I have social anxiety (to the point where when I tried to act out a conversation with my therapist, we had to stop because I thought I was going to vomit). When I'm not working, I like to go running, read, or spend time on the computer. If I am on the computer, I usually read or write on various fanfiction sites, although I can't tell anyone about that or I'll be ostracized as a freak. I love sci-fi and fantasy things, especially superheroes, but I have no money to go out to comic cons anywhere else in the country. I've tried joining a running group that claimed they take "all skill levels", but everybody there only ever talked about triathlons and @#$%&. I've never even run a half-marathon, I only get out and run for about an hour every day. I tried looking through meetup.com, but practically every single one was geared towards alcohol, and I hate any kind (I live in Colorado). I haven't been able to find any community classes. I don't know if I can afford a gym membership (I make $9.50 an hour), and even if I could, I couldn't afford a trainer to teach me how to do any exercise besides running. I don't know how to make friends online. Like, people will comment on my stories, or I'll comment on theirs, and we'll send a few messages, but then we never speak to each other again, because I have no idea what to do. I want to create, but have no creative abilities. I used to draw, and I wanted to start making things on deviantart, but nothing ever came out like I wanted it too, and it was too frustrating. I can't find any classes, and every tutorial for using my drawing tablet doesn't make sense to me. I hate driving long distances, or really driving at all, and I don't know how to ride a bike. I've looked at my school, but there's never any kind of community event that's interesting. People always say "Oh, just try something, maybe you'll like it," but I've looked everywhere, and I can't find a list of classes or anything. I'm desperately trying to save money, because my father pays my rent right now, and I'm hoping to get out of that when I graduate, but everything is so expensive, and it seems like if I do it, I'll have to give up my dream of becoming self-sufficient after I graduate. I honestly don't know how to fix this.
      --Depressed


    3. by Anonymously on January 9, 2020 12:47 pm
      My boyfriend left me for my best friend
      Here's my story. I had been with my boyfriend for 5 years. Completely head over heels madly in love w him. We were very close and open books to each other. Always together. We has a son which is now 3 and a half. Just recently he started acting very distant and secretive. A friend that was once my best friend for over 10 years started coming around again. We use to be very close. She was there for my children's births as I was there for hers. When her boyfriend and father of her children cheated on her I gave her and her kids a place to live. Helped her get on her feet and was there for her during the worst time of her life. I got pregnant w my son and we grew apart. Not talking as often or hanging out as much but still friends. My boyfriend walked out on me and his son a few months ago without warning. Just like that my world was turned upside down. He came back a few times but I felt as if we were complete strangers. Where was the man that I loved? My rock? What happened and why? Last week I found out he has been sleeping with her. Pretty much living with her. He still text me how much he loved me and how sorry he was. I took him back again. I just couldn't believe what was happening to us and struggled to let go. This morning we woke up and he cried and told me he was leaving again. My guess is he is in love with her. I feel broken. So broken and I don't know how to get passed this. I'm hurt angry depressed. He left me with all the bills. All the responsibility. I am devastated. Trying to get through each day and be a mother to my son while my world has fell apart. I don't know how to get through this. I cry everyday. At work I break down. I am scared I'm heading for a complete mental breakdown. When will the pain stop?
      --Jilted


    4. by Anonymously on January 9, 2020 12:49 pm
      My girlfriend's dad don't allow me to date her
      Alright, im currently 19 years old, turning 20 next so do my gf who is of same age as me. We have been dating for about 9 months, she is one of my best friends, evrythg between me and her turns out to be good but the problem is her father. He is over-protective over his only daughter at home. He found out im dating v her daughter when we are in relationship juz for 1 month and he called me, asked me to stop contacting her daughter and unfriend each other, he said he will only allow her daughter to date when she finishes her study as doctor. Even so, we r still contacting and dating secretly until few weeks ago, he discovered it and called me again. He even called my parents, my teachers etc. My parents are fine v me having this relationship but they worry about me as this relationship might turns hard cuz of her dad and might result in bad ending if i din take proper action. For now, im still contacting my gf secretly but i noe it wont lasts until the nxt time he finds out.

      His worries are simple, im a university student v no earning power yet, so he is worried bout her daughter's future and he had trauma v my gf's ex who fight against him. Im going to meet my gf again this friday, my gf is scared his dad will follow her, i couldnt do anythg to comfort her bcuz she miss me much n want to meet me while afraid of his dad finding out she hangs out v me. I love her very much, im in a dilemma as well as i want to be nice n respect her father while maintaining our relationships but i noe it wont works n one must be sacrificed to comfort the another one. I understand respect is built on trust but his father simply dun trust me at all since the very first time he found out im dating his daughter. I tried to communicate v him but he juz insist on his own view and wnt his daughter follow his way. While his wife remains neutral though, she din say no to our relationship. He told me that i should stop contact his daughter for now on until i graduate and get a job, then go find him later on.

      I know it is hard to do so, how can one juz stop contacting the person he love so much at all for 3 years. We aren't juz couple but we have been close best friends for the past 2 year before we started dating. We miss each other terribly and end up contacting each other secretly. If i obey what her father said, then i would break my gf's heart but if i contact secretly v my gf and he finds out someday, the consequences wont b any nicer as well. I dont know what's my best option for now, i dw to break my gf's heart, but i dw her to live in fear evryday scare of her father will find out someday. I dont know what can i do. please help me.
      --Stymied


    5. by Anonymously on January 9, 2020 12:54 pm
      I need guidance
      I'm married to my beloved but he is always away from my life [has another life] want to let him spend more time with me .
      I'm happy with my job but needs to increase my salary or find other financial income to support my family , to build home and etc.
      I want to be more religious> I do pray properly
      --Proper Prayer


    6. by Anonymously on January 9, 2020 12:55 pm
      Doing my thing successfully.I'm not like a lot of other people who could just survive with a standard job. I want to be self employed, making a decent income as a love/self esteem counselor. I already know what my specialities are.People I am close to have told me I have these qualities. I need to make this my living. I need help, support and coaching with marketing myself, getting clients, making money doing what I love. That is all.This is all new and scary to me. Work is also tough for me now, but if I do not take these steps now, it will be too late. I am a 50 year old and I have to do this now!
      --Not like others


    7. by Anonymously on January 9, 2020 12:56 pm
      Overwhelming & Frustrated
      Well where do i start? I am a single parent with three kids and my aunt has been helping since my son was born, he is 5yrs old now. She is pretty much a live in helper but this comes other issues. She doesnt clean, she uses diapers but still has my place smelling like a nursing home. she is 60yrs. old and has a home to go to but will not go. I do need her help but its time for me to do things without her help. I am 34 years old and I feel like I am being treated like a child. She is very comfortable her with me and my kids but its overwhelming to me and my kids. I cant tell her to go home that wont be right. My mom also be here a lot. I have no private space and I constantly have to clean. please help how do i move on from this situation. i feel like just taking my kids and just move out of state somewhere. what should i do.
      --O&F


    8. by Anonymously on January 9, 2020 9:13 pm
      My fiance cheated on me with my best friend while i was pregnant with our second child
      We had been together for the years and I was seven months pregnant with our second child. My best friend of 15 years moved in with us to escape an physically. abusive relationship she had been in for almost ten years. They slept together a number of times. She confessed this to me after I had just been proposed to by the father of my children. Please help me get over this. I feel so overwhelmed with hurt that...
      -I'm physically sick.


    9. by Anonymously on January 9, 2020 9:17 pm
      Relationship problem
      Basically I need advice and steps and goals I can make with my ex girlfriend, I cheated on her and she found out so I confessed to her, but now I wrote a letter to her and she's wants us to be friends but she's slowly moving on from me with a another guy but I want to be with her again but I don't know how I can do that.
      --Cheater


    10. by Anonymous on April 5, 2020 2:31 pm
      I am looking for an accountability coach to help change some of my habits.




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