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What to do when someone you know leaves a religion
A SelectSmart.com Flowchart by kern. See kern's 4me blog page.
Viewed 782 times. Created August 2013.

Information and items from Amazon.com you may find helpful. This SelectSmart.com Advice flowchart, a free online decision tool is a creation of kern and Advice for amusement purposes only. The implicit and explicit opinions expressed here are the author's. SelectSmart.com does not necessarily agree.
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When a close friend or family member chooses to no longer believe in the religion that they once did, it can be a frightening moment for those who still belong to and love their religion and wish that their friend or family member would remain the same and still believe. Since your desire is your own and your friend/family member's desire is to no longer believe, this is a chart for how you can deal with the situation and person.

                 
Do you have a close friend or family member whom you care deeply about that has voiced their concerns and questioned the religion that you both belong too, and they no longer believe?
YES
Are they showing signs of being hurt, angry, sad, depressed or confused?
YES
Do you love them and value your relationship? Do you want to keep them as a close friend?
YES
Can you ask them if they'd like to sit down with you and discuss their experience, ask questions,speak their minds and have you listen to anything they'd like to say on the subject?
YES
Are the things that they are talking about hurting your feelings? Are the things they are saying hard for you to listen too?

NO


NO

YES

NO


NO

YES

YES
Congratulations. This chart is not for you.
Have you asked them personally if they are having feelings of sadness, hurt, anger or depression due to their decision to leave their faith?
Tell them good luck with their life and that you are choosing to end the relationship. Be kind and treat them like you would like to be treated. Wish them well and go be fantastic.
NO
Do you want a healthy relationship with them? Do you want to remain an important part of their life?
NO
Can you swallow your pride and remember that this moment is about them and not you?



NO


NO

YES

NO

YES

YES
 
Ask yourself why not. If the answer is because of fear, can you take a moment and be brave?
YES
Can you excuse yourself for time period while you breath and take a moment to decide if the person is worth your time and effort?
YES
Does it bother you to listen to things that might insult the religious leaders or doctrine?
NO
Do you think that the things that they are saying about the religious belief or doctrine is a personal attack on you?



NO


YES

NO

YES

YES

YES
 
It is okay if you decide that you do not have the relationship that you need for your own happiness. It is okay to walk away. Tell them good luck and go be fantastic.
NO
Do you really love and cherish this relationship?
Can you show love and understanding and give this person loving hugs and positive reinforcement as they work through this experience regardless of how long it takes them to do so?
NO
Can you get to youtube and search for Tim Minchin-Sacredness?






NO



YES
 
 
 
Can you watch it again until you do understand the message? Can you research what it means to attack a belief and what it means to attack a person? Can you figure out how they are different?
NO
Do you understand that the message he was attempting to convey was that there is a difference between attacking a belief and a person?








YES

YES
 
 
Good luck in your life. Many people will not agree with everything that you believe. Wish your friend well and go be fantastic.
YES
It is a sad moment when one realizes that they are going to let go of a relationship because of a belief. Wish your family/friend good luck and go be fantastic. Are you sure you want to take this step, putting a belief before a person?
NO
Is the relationship worth the pain you might feel listening to your beliefs being attacked? Do you want a relationship with your friend or family member more than you want your beliefs left alone?








NO

YES
 
 
 
 
Congratulations. You know what you need to do in order to be the kind of friend who this person needs and will most likely maintain and strengthen your relationship because of your willingness to listen. Good for you!