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It Takes Two - Opinion...a SelectSmart.com Flowchart
Opinion. It Takes Two
By Anita
Viewed 689 times since July 2013.


This SelectSmart.com Opinion. flowchart, a free online decision tool is a creation of Anita and for amusement purposes only. The implicit and explicit opinions expressed here are the author's. SelectSmart.com does not necessarily agree.


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If everything has a purpose, then what's the purpose of an argument? Do you want to prove your point? Make a point? Make someone you love hear you? Show that you know what you're talking about? Really?

An argument drives a wedge between two people in a relationship. An argument is the best way to forget why you fell in love. Eventually, couples who argue regularly lose the feeling of love toward each other. Arguments end relationships. So, why argue?

Look back in your life for the answer--back at your prior relationships, back at how your parents related to each other and to you, back at how you related to your siblings. I know, no one wants to look back. Isn't it just better to move past the past? Aren't you being "negative" when you focus on the "bad" parts of the past?

You can't grow and learn as an individual when you don't learn from the mistakes of the past. And, making past mistakes doesn't make you a failure or a loser.

Typically, arguments indicate an intimacy issue. Intimacy grows when you can reveal your vulnerabilities to someone you trust. Remember when you first met and you talked for hours at a time about your lives? The "good" stories brought you closer to each other; the "bad" stories brought you closer as well.

The stories that reveal your hardships are the stories that reveal your sensitivity, compassion,adaptability, sense of humor, ability to triumph over loss and hardship, loyalty, honesty--your strengths. Those "bad" stories reveal the values and qualities that you make a good partner.

I've heard clients comment that others will hurt them if they show their vulnerabilities. If someone routinely uses your vulnerabilities against you, then maybe you need to take a closer look at your motivation for staying in that hurtful relationship. Healthy relationships are comprised of trusting people.

Everyone makes mistakes; so when you tell the one you love what they're doing and saying that hurts you, the one you love needs to stop. If this person continues hurting you, is this person loving you? Can you really trust this person to value and respect you?

Some couples argue because they don't want to admit to themselves that their relationship is not meeting their needs. Perhaps you want a committed relationship at this time and the person you love doesn't want a committed relationship now, or maybe ever. We may have difficulty expressing our feelings, thoughts and needs to each other. Instead we raise our voices or withhold affection.

Whatever the cause of contention in your relationship, if the arguing persists, you might consider seeing a licensed counselor. A licensed counselor will assess the relationship problem and can teach new skills to resolve conflict and improve communication. Both of you contribute to the positive and the negative aspects of your relationship.

A healthy relationship takes two to succeed, and to bring you the companionship and joy you deserve!