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This quiz tests Which kind of essayist are you? Zen & the Art of Essay-Writing Recreation Knowledge Quizzes, Trivia, IQ Tests
This Recreation IQ Quiz is based upon the selector Which kind of essayist are you? by thefuriouscynic.
Test your knowledge of:
Zen & the Art of Essay-Writing

Show what you know by answering true or false to the following. Answer ''false'' if neither applies or if you're not sure. Your score will be calculated on the next page.

Your first question is below.


Have you ever written an essay before?
True False

Have you ever written an essay about anything more complex than your reaction to a current event, or some sort of pansy emotional response?
True False

Do you smoke?
True False

Do you smoke like a speeding, overheated train while you are writing an essay?
True False

When you shut your door and make a big noise about not being disturbed, you're really just lying on your bed and masturbating, aren't you, you Sneaky Pete?
True False

Do you drink beer/liquor during the essay-writing period?
True False

Do you eat only 'brain-foods' (ie, fish, bananas) during the essay-writing period?
True False

Do you believe that eating anything at all during the essay-writing period will hinder your potential for analytical genius?
True False

Do you sometimes feel... you know... 'that way' for one or all of your professors?
True False

Have you ever found your mind drifting during sex with your significant other because you've finally hit upon the perfect wording for your concluding sentence?
True False

You believe that sex will stunt your intellectual potential during essay-time.
True False

Do you become increasingly pale and sickly-looking (ie, dark circles under eyes, thinner) while you work?
True False

Do you become increasingly drunk while you work?
True False

Listening to guest speakers presenting a scientific, flawless method of essay-writing can only help you in the long run.
True False

Is caffeine your best friend for four days or so?
True False

Have you ever cried over a particularly poorly/beautifully-worded thesis statement, be it your own or someone else's?
True False

Are you aware that you have great ideas and a scholarly writing style, but the profs and/or TA's just don't seem to notice it?
True False

Is it more important to get that good mark for your own personal satisfaction, or so you can gloat to anyone in earshot that you've raised the bar far beyond their reach? (Yes=personal satisfaction. No=I've raised the bar, bizatch).
True False

Is it best to just stay quiet and not complain about your essay?
True False

If the opportunity for perfect grades throughout the entirety of the course arose, and if it entailed no emotional attachment, would you sexually pleasure your professor and/or TA just once, but with incredibly mindblowing skill? You would, wouldn't you, you little slut?
True False

For you, the ideal course consists of standing outside the lecture hall and allowing your lowly peers to glimpse your frightfully massive intellect.
True False

Do you listen to recorded mini-audio tapes of past lectures while you work on your essay?
True False

Do you listen to repetitive dance/trance/rave music while you work on your essay?
True False

Are you brilliant beyond all measure, or what?
True False

Now that you have answered all the questions, continue to the Show Me My Score button below.

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