Great news report. Here're my faves, but read the whole article.
1. He arrived with his stool sample already in his pants: The doctor appreciated the president's initiative.
2. The suspicious mole on his arm turned out to just be melted chocolate ice cream: This was discovered when he licked it off mid-exam.
5. His lungs are half-filled with hair from young girls: Stop sniffing so hard, Joe!
9. There are currently three different types of dementia warring for supremacy in his brain: It's anybody's ball game!
Re #9: I'm backing off my diagnosis that, like my dad, Joe's is vascular dementia. There are many ways dementia happens. Poor ol Joe. His brain's crashing in multiple ways.
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